Be Careful What You Wish For

I know I wrote about this in my old blog a few years ago... but I just watched The Secret, so here I go again. I had read about and heard about The Secret when it first came out, and never watched it because I already know that stuff. Or believed it anyway, my own way... because I have seen it. The law of attraction. Still, it was good to see their little rules and methods laid out clearly.

I am thinking of some of my past experiences that led me to believe you get what you ask for in life.

Well, one general thing I've lived by is to not dwell on my fears too much, because scary things are drawn to you by your thinking so hard on them. Specifically, for me anyway, regarding danger and dangerous cercumstances. I have traveled alone in big cities at night, camped alone in secluded areas, actually I'm happy to do just about anything by myself. Even in some sketchy circumstances, my instincts said to clear my mind of any fears and act with confidence. This has served me well. I just really believe, if I sit there fretting about being mugged or whatever bad things can happen to me... that energy is more readily drawn to me. Also, I just refuse to go through my life afraid. Period. I will go where I wish, and do what I like.

Conversely, I have met women who say 'oh I could never do that, I'd be too afraid' even when discussing living alone, nevermind traveling alone in a strange place. And I find it almost offensive to my senses... just a foreign concept I guess. How can you live that way? No fun.

As I write this, however... I can think of smaller, less obvious fears that I HAVE allowed to hold me back from things. Much more mundane things. That also is offensive to me, but they are so small it's easier to dismiss them I suppose. I need to ponder that for a while...

Ok well back to getting what I've asked for... lol. The biggest thing I can point to right now is my boyfriend. Er, fiance. I have routinely in my life had 3-5 years between serious boyfriends, during which time I have pretty actively dated. The last period, before meeting Mr. Wonderful was during that time of magic I mentioned a while back. I finally got to a place where, after each breakup (it was almost always 2 wks or 2 months) I would assess the situation and the man... and catalog what was shown to Not Work for me. That is to say, each man I thought I was crazy about turned out to show me something I Do Not Want in my next relationship. And so I would ask for the next thing I wanted, get it, then revise my request.

At one point, I decided what a wanted was a man in a big truck with a good job. I had never really thought guys w/ big trucks were attractive... but after a zillion homeless artists and musicians, I decided that's what I wanted. I was working in job where I met plenty of them and they seemed to be stable and work hard and so I asked. I want a guy with a big truck and a good job.

Then I met Will. He had a big truck and worked as a roofer. And man did we have some chemistry! Whew. We were hot and heavy for a while and I thought this was it. I asked and I recieved and woopy. lol. But actually, this was a dangerous man with scary friends... felons. It was weeks before I realized many of his tattoos were about white supremacy. While we were dating Will actually got stabbed. And just a few weeks after I cut the stitches from his wounds, he cheated on me and dumped me on my answering machine.

So, I said... let me be much more specific. I want a man with a big truck and a good job... who is caring, supportive, has never been to jail, is not an artist or musician, and is a woodworker.

A few months later I met Mr. Wonderful who is exactly all these things (including the woodworking!). I had faith that he existed, and didn't settle for anyone less. Really I think that's all it takes. If you don't believe things can be better, well good luck. lol.

Ok I'm going off here. Just one more illustration... my most famous story like this, was when I first left my day job to persue my art biz. It was almost against my will, but my boss freaked way out on me one day, so I walked. First time in my life I walked out on a good job. I was in shock, but soon realized that I was completely free and now was the time to really go after my goals. I didn't quite make a living doing my arts... but what did happen those first weeks after quitting was pretty amazing.

People sent me money. Hundreds of dollars I had forgotten about or didn't know about. I first got a check in the mail from the utility company, a refund of a deposit I had put down over a year before. Sweet! That reminded me that I had put another deposit down in my previous living situation, so I called my ex and got that money back too.

Then, I was vending at a craft show and a show promotor from another venue walked up to me and said, "I owe you money, let me write you a check." This was for fees I had paid, but then didn't actually do the shows... normally you don't get that back, so I hadn't expected a refund at all. But he insisted, so I took the check.

Then, my aunt in the midwest had been looking around on those lost money websites, and found my name. Somewhere, there was money from my childhood bank account, which had been forgotten during my parents' divorce in the 80s. Boom, they send me a check with interest!

Now, I don't remember asking for money at that time. but I do remember thinking, ok here we go... somehow I have to make this all work and still pay my rent. And I did.

So now I need to get that all working again. Clarity is important here, so I really need to be meditating and journaling regularly. We know this. To feel connected, to really ask for what I want... meditation & writing are key.

Knowing what you want is the hard part, getting it is relatively easy.